Beer Quotes

"I drink to make other people interesting."
--George Jean Nathan

"People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot."
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

 "They who drink beer will think beer."
--Washington Irving

 "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
-Ernest Hemingway

Comedian & Musician Frank Zappa

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."
--Frank Zappa

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
--Henny Youngman

"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."
--Catherine Zandonella

 "Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
--Winston Churchill

Greek Philosopher Plato

"He was a wise man who invented beer."
--Plato

 "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill 

"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
--Winston Churchill to Lady Astor

"Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish, and he'll drink beer for a lifetime."
-unknown

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?"
--Charles Bukowski

 "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
--David Daye

U.S. Statesman Benjamin Franklin

 "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
--Benjamin Franklin

"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy

"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
--Homer Simpson

 "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
--Dave Barry

Film Star Humphrey Bogart

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
--Humphrey Bogart

"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."
--David Moulton

 "Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world."
--Kaiser Wilhelm

 "I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."
--Homer Simpson

Journalist & Novelist Ernest Hemingway

 "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

"Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol."
--W.C. Fields

 "Malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man."
-A. E. Housman, "A Shropshire Lad"

"Then to the spicy nut-brown ale!"
-John Milton

Film & Stage Star Dean Martin

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
--Dean Martin

"Brewers make wort. Yeast makes beer".
-Dave Miller's Homebrewing Guide

"This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and glory to his bounty by learning about beer."
-- Frier Tuck, in Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves

"I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast."
--W.C. Fields

U.S. President Thomas Jefferson

"Beer, if drank with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health."
-Thomas Jefferson

"Beer: If you can't taste it, why bother?!"
--Dorothy Parker

"Payday came and with it beer"
--Rudyard Kipling

Comedian Dave Barry

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."
--Dave Barry

"You've got yoga honey, I've got beer"
-A Room Of Our Own, Billy Joel

"One more drink and I'd be under the host."
--Dorothy Parker

"Work is the curse of the drinking class."
--Oscar Wilde

TV & Movie Star Homer Simpson

"Mmmmmmmmmm, beer."
-Homer Simpson

"A poor man can't afford to buy cheap stuff"
-B.B.

 "All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow."
-Dave Barry

"A man hath no better thing under the sun than to eat and drink and be merry..."
-Ecclesiastes 8:15

"There are more old drunkards than old doctors."
-Benjamin Franklin

German Chancellor Otto Von Bismarck

"Climbing the hills in the heat, I could think of nothing but Gratz beer. Alas, there is none left!"
-Otto Von Bismarck, 1870.

"Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure."
--Ambrose Bierce

 "A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."
--W.C. Fields

"Of Doctors and medicines we have plenty more than enough..... what you may, for the love of God, send is some large quantity of beer"
-Dispatch to London from the colony, New South Wales, 1854

Comedian, Radio & Film Star W.C. Fields

"Everyone's got to believe in something, I believe I'll have another beer."
-W.C. Fields.

Q. In your opinion, what is the single most common error that I am likely to make, as a taxpayer?
A. In our opinion, that would be having ''light'' beer in your refrigerator.
- Dave Barry

"The More I Know About Beer, The More I Realize I Need To Know More About Beer!"
-Rob Moline, pro brewer

"It's better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.
Life is too short to drink cheap beer."
--Dorothy Parker

Nobel Prize Winner George Bernard Shaw

"Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life"
George Bernard Shaw

"Beer: Nature's laxative."
--Dorothy Parker

 "What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?"
--W.C. Fields

"Bot we must drynk as we brew, And that is bot reson."
-The Wakefield Master, Second Shepherds' Play

Writer & Poet Dorothy Parker

"Beer - it's not just for breakfast anymore"
--Dorothy Parker

 "When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer."
-- Dave Barry

"My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time."
--Anonymous

"Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy."
--Tom Waits

Disclaimer: We pillaged and plundered the web for this content and make no guarantees to the accuracy or truthfulness of any of it but it does make for interesting reading and a few laughs.